Thursday 19 September 2013

Fart Noises



Dear Noah

One of the sweetest things you do right now is laugh out loud.  You do it manly for daddy when he blows raspberries on your stomach or feet.  Its the most adorable thing to watch.


But you laugh for me when I do fart noises with my mouth. It cracks me up. 


You are such a delight.  Even on our most down days, when mummy and daddy are overwhelmed with life's anxieties you are the light in our life. Your smiles and the love that flows out of you, makes everything ok.

We love you more than you can ever comprehend

Your loving mother always X


Wednesday 11 September 2013

My How You Have Grown





2 MONTHS OLD




                                                                3 MONTHS OLD



                                                                4 MONTHS OLD




4 Months

KNOWN FOR:

Being really loud when you talk
Having a really nice temperament
Smiling at the pretty ladies
Having to drift off to sleep with a bottle
Wanting to stand alot


LOVES:

Walks with Mummy
His bird toy and teether toy
Having Dad blow rasberrys on his tummy and feet
Watching the world and wanting to be apart of it


STARTED TO

Touch Faces
Pull himself forward so he can sit up
Found his toes



Sunday 11 August 2013

Drawing Closer to Jehovah



Dear Noah

You are helping me draw closer to Jehovah.  Not just because as your parent I want to be a good example and therefore am working harder to strengthen my relationship with Jehovah, but because I now better understand how he feels about me.

The love I have for you is different than any love I have felt before. I understand when parents say they would do ANYTHING for their children. 

Jehovah's love for us is often compared to the love a mother has for her children.  Only now do I  understand what that really means.  How he really feels about me. I have always struggled with understanding that he values and loves me. I knew it, but never understood it. I know that Jehovah is forgiving and puts our sins as far off as the sunset. I know that he wants to protect us and feels hurt for us when we stumble and fall. But now I feel what that must be like. Granted this will even more meaning as I gain more experience as a parent.

There have been few times my son has gotten so upset and over tired that he has thrown a tantrum and I have felt like giving him a smack bottom.  But as soon as he stops and looks up and me, I can see he just doesn't know what else to do and he looks to me for comfort and answers.  My heart swells with love, just pure love, it pours out, the desire to comfort, to help and to teach him how to deal with his emotions. Any thought of disciplining you is gone. it is replaced with love.  Then there is the desire to protect you no matter what and the desire to see you happy and healthy.   We as humans are like babes, we make mistakes, we "act out" based on emotions and inexperience.   Jehovah looks down on us when we "act out"  with such love, and as soon as we look to him for support and comfort its there, along with compassion and the desire to guide, to see us happy and safe. The other side of the coin is the pain he must feel to see his children rebel and reject his parenting... his angelic creation too! I can barely imagine his grief. Then to watch his son go through everything he did. I would die inside if I lost my child and that's after two months of bonding. Only now am I grasping more fully his love for me because I am now a mother.

It would be hard to understand his love if you didn't feel it as a child from a parent. That guiding hand of love.  So its my mission to make sure you feel that love Noah, so you can have a better understanding of the love Jehovah has for you.  If I love you like that, Jehovah does 1000x more so. But only when you become a parent will you fully understand the extent of his love. 


Your loving Mother always X

Stop to Smell The Roses .... Or In My Case Daipers



Dear Noah

When you do the same thing again and again on a regular basis, it often becomes automatic, routine.
The midnight and 4am diaper changes are one of those things. Half awake, but mostly asleep, I pick you up out of your co sleeper and start the routine. Change diaper, while you moan and wriggle still sleepy but now hungry, feed, burp, back to bed.

This time as I lay you down on the changing table and start to undo your onsie, I notice your quiet and not wriggling or moaning. I turn and look down at you to see you beaming back at me with the widest smile I have ever seen. I literally laugh out loud (quietly of course its 4am)  You stop me in my tracks, and slow everything down as we savor this moment.  Your smiling and talking to me and I'm melting in your gaze grinning from ear to ear. We spend the feeding time together awake enjoying each others company. I couldn't care less that its 4am, I am loving every moment with you.

You have the gift of slowing down time as it were. I am remembering to stop and put the less important things on hold so we can enjoy moments that seem to last forever. If only!

I wish I could tape all our moments together, so I never forget. So they are always as fresh as when they happened. 

I love you Noah

Always your loving mother X





Thursday 8 August 2013

3 Months



Known For

Sucking on his hands
Putting things in his mouth
Smiling and being Chatty
lots of spit up


Loves

Baths
Being held
Watching people
Napping with mummy
Being with Daddy


Does not like

His car seat as he cannot see anyone
Falling asleep makes him mad
Binky is a love hate thing


Monday 5 August 2013

Learning to Sleep


Dear Noah

You have been learning to sleep. Its strange that you would have to learn how to fall asleep, but you do. You have to learn that it is safe to fall asleep. You have to learn what tiredness is and not to fight it. You had to learn to fall asleep on your back and on your own.

You learn't it pretty fast. With in 24 hours you had gotten used to your co sleeper and where taking regular naps. I am so proud of you. It turns out that being with you as you fall asleep is now one of my favorite times with you.

Daddy and I took turns soothing you the first few times we  tired to put you to sleep on your own. It took over an hour, one of us laying by your side so that you knew you where safe.  Eventually you fell asleep and very quicky you decided this was your sleeping place and sometimes you wanted to be there.

 I still lay by your side when you fall asleep. You are your sweetest then, looking, smiling and talking to me. Your eyes full of trust and love.  Then you get fussy, your still learning to distinguish between your emotions which leads you to get a little mad before you finally fall asleep. 

I cant resist it but sometimes I pick you back up and if your especially fussy let you fall asleep next to me on the bed. I love that just being close to me calms you down and I feel the stress leave your tired little body. Its something I need as you no longer nurse, I miss that bonding time.

I love more each day Noah. You are such a precious gift and a sweet sweet boy. Always keep that sweetness that melts my heart.

Your loving Mother always


                                                Laying next to you to sooth you as you sleep


Monday 15 July 2013

2 Months old


Dear Noah

You are  two months old, and you are growing fast.  Your personality is shining through.  You had your two month check up at the Doctors today. You are in the 28% for weight and 6% for height but they think your gonna continue growing when most have averaged out because you are catching up. 

You had 3 shots today and you only cried for a minute when she actually injected you, then you calmed right down and became your sunny smiley self again. You are so brave.

We are working on getting you to sleep on your back. You have never been very comfortable that way, but I think that's because we hold you alot as you are so adorable.  But now we have to train you to sleep in a safe way, that will also give you and I a better night sleep.  Daddy is sitting by your side as you sleep in the co-sleeper. You keep waking up crying and he is there to comfort you and give you a binky to soothe you. He loves you very much and it is hard for him to see you adjust to a new way of sleeping, but he knows its best for you. You are safe, fed and you know we are here so its just a matter of us being strong for you. We are tag teaming, I was just in with you too.  Its been a good half hour at least, and your still in and out of sleep! I sang to you and stoked your head as you sucked on your binky, but every time it falls out of your mouth you wake up! Dad went to check on you and you are finally asleep. Well done you. Change is hard for babies.

You now weigh 12lbs, double your birth weight and are 22" long Yey!!

Today you are official we went and got your birth certificate. We can now get your passport.


Known for:
Sucking on his hands
being very talkative at 6am
starting to giggle
loves sitting up and watching the world

We love watching you grow and seeing your little personality grow

Your loving mother always

                                                             Noah at the Doctors
                  

                                                      Noah getting his birth certificate


                                                           Noah Two Months old


                                         Noah looking more and more like his Dad every day



Thursday 27 June 2013

A perfect moment

Dear Noah
My life is full of perfect moments because of you.
It's 3am your nestled in my arms dark eyes peering up at me as you nurse. Your small hand tightly grasping my finger. The world is dark and a hush lies over our home. I hear the rhythmic sound of you nursing, the tick of the clock, and the occasional truck on the freeway.
Your eyelids heavy with sleep slowly rise and fall as you drift off into slumber. As dreams take over, you smile, and frown. All safe in
my arms. A perfect moment.
Your loving mother always
X




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

My Favourte Place

Dear Noah

While it lasts my favorite place at the moment is having you  fall sleep on me.  Ill be honest its my second favorite place, my first is in your fathers arms.  Before you, I used to spend each day there. At the end of the day some people discuss their day over coffee, while doing chores, your father and I would lay in each others arms and talk, reconnect and go over our day apart from each other.  That part of our day is on hold just now, we joke that you have radar and anytime we go to spend time together you either wake up or get really fussy.  But thats ok, you are only this small for a very short time and you bring us such joy.  We now spend that time playing and talking to you.

I love holding you and letting you fall asleep on me. I feel your warmth, smell that exquisite baby smell, A mix of talc and milk.  Your father says we smell of cheese! and laughs.  Its our smell, the smell of nursing, of sleep, of us. 

It feels comforting to hold you. There you are safe, I can protect you and I hold on to you jealously knowing soon you will running around, wanting to explore the world.

For now this is our time, your place is in my arms, my new favorite place.

Your Loving Mother Always
X








Cabin Trip

Dear Noah

One of the greatest comforts in life is being apart of a loving family.  Feeling loved and secure. Noah you are loved in buckets loads. 
You recently had your first trip to the cabin.   Everyone was genuinely excited to see you. You where passed from one set of adoring arms to another and you handled it in your stride.  You are loved so much my child, not just by your father and I, but my your aunts, uncles, grandparents, great grandparents and cousins.  Never take that for granted. Reconnect, make time and wallow in the warmth of a loving family.  You have one and that is special thing.

Your loving mother always







Wednesday 19 June 2013

A Tough Decision

Dear Noah

You have only been with us for a little under two months and yet you have taught me much. Today you taught me to trust my instincts as a mother, and as long a your happy and healthy I have made the  right decision.  A message I want to send out to other mothers.

When you came into this world little one you had trouble latching.   At first we thought you had a tight fenulum but the Dr decided you didn't so we avoided having to put you through that procedure.  You where just small, and some babies find it hard to latch.  You lost weight the first week and were even smaller.  I had an abundance of help from wonderful nurses, and lactation consultants. We tried for two months together you and I. I saw your strength and perseverance my son as you had to work twice as hard to get the same amount as milk as other babies. We nursed for hours,  often in tears of frustration on your part and my heart breaking because all I wanted to do was feed you, and the best way I knew how was to nurse.

It would break my heart to hear other babies gulping down their mothers milk and then look down at your furrowed little brow as you nursed away.  Your not being able to latch meant that you found it hard to transfer milk and my milk just didn't seem to come in the way it should because of the lack of stimulation from you.

Because I was nursing almost every hour some days we decided to supplement with organic formula so I could sleep and your father could feed you. It broke my heart to give you formula. I know breast is best and blamed myself for not being able to nurse you the way other mothers could feed their babies.

It took me a while to realize this wasn't about me. I needed to work through my guilt, my disappointment and shame.  When we feed you formula you are fuller, happier and a more content baby. You sleep better, I am able to put you down, you talk and are alert.  No more frustrated baby.  That is what matters.

Others may frown when they see me feeding you with a bottle but that's ok.  I made the decision today that I am ok with bottle feeding you. I prayed about it and I feel at peace with my decision because my instincts tell me you are ok with it and you need it. I will nurse you as long as I have a milk supply as I love nursing you.
I love you Noah and will always do whats best for you.

Your loving mother always
X


You Make Me Smile



Dear Noah

You melted my heart today.  You smiled at me.  You looked at me as I was talking to you and you smiled in response.  It was the most amazing feeling.  My eyes filled with tears of love and wonderment, as you melted my heart.

You are laughing and talking at us now too. You bring out the child in us as we squeal with delight every time you coo, calling each other from other ends of the house "quick come he's talking" we rush to your side less we miss your bright eyed chatter.

You are literally a light in our lives. Dad cant wait to come home to you and I hate being apart from you.

Here are some of the smiles we have captured.

Never stop Smiling and laughing, not only will it make you happier you brighten up the lives of those around you.

Your loving mother always X




Thursday 13 June 2013

1 Month Old

Dear Noah

You are 1 Month Old you have grown so much already, I can see your personality developing.

You are known for :
• Being a little gassy
• Being very alert
• Smiling at Mummy and Daddy
• Not liking your diaper changed
• Having a bit of a temper

Loves :
• Sleeping on Mummy
• Being Held
• Bath time
• Falling asleep while nursing
• Being Swaddled at night
• Riding in the car




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Labor and your Arrival

Dear Noah

Although I have already included your Doulas notes, I thought I would write about the day you arrived how I remembered it.

It was a cloudy day and raining.  I smiled as the rain streaked the windows of the car as we drove down highway 50 to the hospital. The weather reminded me of home (England) how appropriate you would arrive on such a day.
A hushed excitement filled the car and we said good bye to our life as a couple and headed toward a life full of you. Good bye apartment next time im back here Noah will be with me, goodbye Placerville next time we drive through main street Noah will be with us. We looked back at the empty baby seat, looked at each other and grinned. 

I was nervous but prepared for labor, after all thousand, nay hundreds of thousands of women go through this. I had a great support team and had done everything I could to prepare and understand the process.

The nurses prepped me.  This included being fitted with an  IV and being poked several times with needles.   My arm was covered in some pretty ugly bruises as I have deep veins and it took several attempts to locate them. It was at this point I wanted to go home and decided internally that I might not be ready for the pain of labor! But there was no going back.

The first contraction took my breath away, and I grabbed the side of the bed and called out your father he came rushing over and spilled hot tea on me mid contraction!

After a few of these contractions I called our doula to come I knew I needed the support.  Cyndy our doula encouraged me to find a place/or a sentence during contractions that would get me through it.  You where my place, I would talk to you and the thought of you fighting as hard as I was to get into this world kept me going through 13 hrs of contractions.

But around 2pm things got harder. I/we moved and you sat on a nerve in my back, the pain was excruciating and I threw up almost immediately.  This back pain continued throughout labor and caused me to continue throwing up.

Cyndy encouraged me to get up and move around although the nurses were not happy as they found it hard to monitor you. Each time I changed positions the contractions took on a new feeling the pain was different and I had to brace my self again. But moving got things going and my waters broke on their own, then the contractions got harder.

I needed the room dark and silent in order to be able to focus on my contractions, I could hear hushed chatter between Myra and Cyndy. Occasionally Cyndy would offer soothing encouragement and reminders, her voice and presence were comforting and a source of strength. I held her hand and your fathers through most of my labor. Your father was always there but for some reason his voice irritated me and I couldn't allow him to speak.  I needed to know he was there but as a silent presence. He was my rock.

I remember looking at the clock around 2pm and then again at 2.03pm and then again at 2.10pm.  I cant do this I thought, time is going by so slowly and the contractions were so intense. I decided to no longer look at the clock and take one contraction at a time as Cyndy had suggested. If you got through one you can get through the next one and she was right.  The next time I looked at the clock it was 6pm.

The nurses were worried about you, you where having decelerations, a decrease in the fetal heart rate below the fetal baseline heart rate. Decelerations occur when there is a fall in the level of oxygen in the fetal blood. The nurses found that the only position that helped your decelerations was for me to labor on my side.  This was practically impossible as this was the position that aggravated my back and I was in sever pain. I could not relax into contractions instead I could only hold on to the bed rails with dear life crying out in pain. it was at this point that an epidural was suggested. I so desperately wanted to avoid pain meds but for the sake of you, and I was exhausted by this point I needed the pain to stop so I relented.  Suddenly everything was ok! the pain had gone and I could breath, maybe I could do this I thought.

Dr McElvy entered the room and after hushed talks with the nurses, came over to Aaron and I and explained that my contractions being as hard as they were, still being only 2cm dilated and the decels where to much for baby she recommenced a emergency c-sec.  I was devastated but in all honesty was so drugged up -  there was a party in my head, I didnt care, I just wanted Noah and I wanted this to be over. I heard them say something about turning the epi up as I was going in for a c-sec.  Everything was a blur from then on.  The room suddenly was a hub of activity prepping me for surgery.  I was a dead weight and could barley move at this point. I remember being wheeled in and being prepped. Looking up and seeing people talking above me. Then seeing your dad so happy and beaming, you where now in the world. I wasnt even aware they had taken you I thought I was still being prepped. I heard laughing as you pooped on the nurse and someone put my glasses on me so I could see you and then you where whisked away again but your father was there with you every step of the way.
I was wheeled into recovery and you where placed on me. I was shaking so much from the drugs I could barely touch you. But you were here and it was over. My precious son.


Your Loving Mother Always





Wednesday 12 June 2013

Doulas Notes on your Arrival



 Dear Noah

Mom and Dad were very excited for the birth of their first child, due 5/15/13 and added a doula to their  birth team.  Due to medical reasons, instead of waiting for labor to start on its own, mom and dad check into Sutter memorial on 5/6/13 to start an induction.  Room 261, Jody the nurse checks mom and there is no dilation.  Miso is inserted at 9.30am.  Mom starts cramping and by noon I arrive (doula).  Mom is laying down which is tough so mom gets up and sits on the ball. 1.05p, mom is in hands and knees position and her water breaks.  Contractions are now much stronger but mostly there is pain on her side so severe she vomits.  At 2pm Dr wants to start picocen but mom and dad decline for now as the contractions are so hard.  Myra arrives at 3pm.   Baby is difficult to keep on monitor.  Mom finds sitting on the bed to be a resting position and is off monitor for an hour.   Dr McElvy arrives at 4.30pm.  Exam at 4.35pm shows 2cm/90%?-1.  FST is put in to monitor baby.  Mom sits then stands and then leans over ball with dads support.  Back to bed at 6.30pm, baby is having some decels.  Anesthesia is in at 6.30 for consult. 6.47pm baby is decelling some more so doctor does another exam and puts in an IUPC to monitor strength of ctx.  New nurse at 7pm is Amber.  Ctx are 2-3 mins apart.  Anesthesia is in at 8.05pm for an epidural so mom can labor on her side despite the intense back/side pain.  Dr is in for exam right away still only 2cm.  Suggests emergency c-sec. Mom and dad decide it is best for baby and is taken back at 8.45pm.   Dad and Doula are allowed in the surgery at 9pm and Noah Benjamin Dinsdale arrives at 9.10pm weighing 6lb 2ozs on 5/6/13. Lots of family are in waiting room ready to welcome baby Noah!

Cyndy Whitwell -  Doula