Dear Noah
Although I have already included your Doulas notes, I thought I would write about the day you arrived how I remembered it.
It was a cloudy day and raining. I smiled as the rain streaked the windows of the car as we drove down highway 50 to the hospital. The weather reminded me of home (England) how appropriate you would arrive on such a day.
A hushed excitement filled the car and we said good bye to our life as a couple and headed toward a life full of you. Good bye apartment next time im back here Noah will be with me, goodbye Placerville next time we drive through main street Noah will be with us. We looked back at the empty baby seat, looked at each other and grinned.
I was nervous but prepared for labor, after all thousand, nay hundreds of thousands of women go through this. I had a great support team and had done everything I could to prepare and understand the process.
The nurses prepped me. This included being fitted with an IV and being poked several times with needles. My arm was covered in some pretty ugly bruises as I have deep veins and it took several attempts to locate them. It was at this point I wanted to go home and decided internally that I might not be ready for the pain of labor! But there was no going back.
The first contraction took my breath away, and I grabbed the side of the bed and called out your father he came rushing over and spilled hot tea on me mid contraction!
After a few of these contractions I called our doula to come I knew I needed the support. Cyndy our doula encouraged me to find a place/or a sentence during contractions that would get me through it. You where my place, I would talk to you and the thought of you fighting as hard as I was to get into this world kept me going through 13 hrs of contractions.
But around 2pm things got harder. I/we moved and you sat on a nerve in my back, the pain was excruciating and I threw up almost immediately. This back pain continued throughout labor and caused me to continue throwing up.
Cyndy encouraged me to get up and move around although the nurses were not happy as they found it hard to monitor you. Each time I changed positions the contractions took on a new feeling the pain was different and I had to brace my self again. But moving got things going and my waters broke on their own, then the contractions got harder.
I needed the room dark and silent in order to be able to focus on my contractions, I could hear hushed chatter between Myra and Cyndy. Occasionally Cyndy would offer soothing encouragement and reminders, her voice and presence were comforting and a source of strength. I held her hand and your fathers through most of my labor. Your father was always there but for some reason his voice irritated me and I couldn't allow him to speak. I needed to know he was there but as a silent presence. He was my rock.
I remember looking at the clock around 2pm and then again at 2.03pm and then again at 2.10pm. I cant do this I thought, time is going by so slowly and the contractions were so intense. I decided to no longer look at the clock and take one contraction at a time as Cyndy had suggested. If you got through one you can get through the next one and she was right. The next time I looked at the clock it was 6pm.
The nurses were worried about you, you where having decelerations, a decrease in the fetal heart rate below the fetal baseline heart rate. Decelerations occur when there is a fall in the level of oxygen in the fetal blood. The nurses found that the only position that helped your decelerations was for me to labor on my side. This was practically impossible as this was the position that aggravated my back and I was in sever pain. I could not relax into contractions instead I could only hold on to the bed rails with dear life crying out in pain. it was at this point that an epidural was suggested. I so desperately wanted to avoid pain meds but for the sake of you, and I was exhausted by this point I needed the pain to stop so I relented. Suddenly everything was ok! the pain had gone and I could breath, maybe I could do this I thought.
Dr McElvy entered the room and after hushed talks with the nurses, came over to Aaron and I and explained that my contractions being as hard as they were, still being only 2cm dilated and the decels where to much for baby she recommenced a emergency c-sec. I was devastated but in all honesty was so drugged up - there was a party in my head, I didnt care, I just wanted Noah and I wanted this to be over. I heard them say something about turning the epi up as I was going in for a c-sec. Everything was a blur from then on. The room suddenly was a hub of activity prepping me for surgery. I was a dead weight and could barley move at this point. I remember being wheeled in and being prepped. Looking up and seeing people talking above me. Then seeing your dad so happy and beaming, you where now in the world. I wasnt even aware they had taken you I thought I was still being prepped. I heard laughing as you pooped on the nurse and someone put my glasses on me so I could see you and then you where whisked away again but your father was there with you every step of the way.
I was wheeled into recovery and you where placed on me. I was shaking so much from the drugs I could barely touch you. But you were here and it was over. My precious son.
Your Loving Mother Always
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